Profound theorems:

Theorem 1. A sheet of writing paper is a lazy dog.

Proof: A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane. An inclined plane is a slope up. A slow pup is a lazy dog. Therefore, a sheet of writing paper is a lazy dog.

Theorem 2. A peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

Proof: A peanut butter sandwich is better than nothing. But nothing is better than eternal happiness. Therefore, a peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.